it's not life that matters but the journey...

its amazing how sleep can put a whole new perspective on things...I was up late last night thinking and pondering, but after I got some sleep and woke up to a sunny day (its amazing how much the weather changes here), I feel a little more positive. I mean I'm still confused, and of course worried about my future. And of course I need to really push myself in the motivation department (like with exercise, study, and this whole big move), but I think it helped for me to get all of my thoughts out there in the open. Thanks for those of you who did read my rantings and my deep thoughts, and sorry for all the *emo* drama=)

I realized, after getting some feedback from my wonderful cousin in an email this morning, that what I need to do is to start doing things for myself, and not worrying so much about what is good for other people. She said I should look out for #1 (that's me, I guess), and stop doing what others expect me to do. My sister told me the same thing over a week ago, when I called her for some support. She is so wise, also from past experience and from having to do alot of her own introspection. She said that the reason i have a hard time quitting this school is because I hate to quit something in order to do something that is for my own benefit. In other words, I feel some kind of obligation to these students, and don't feel good leaving them even to help, or save, myself. That's how it is with my relationship too, but that's a different story.

anyway, I'm learning a lot and I'm thankful for my friends and family and their very honest, and very blunt remarks, that help me to step back and see things as they are.

and now I'm going to the electronics store...

hope everyone is having a great weekend=)