it's not life that matters but the journey...

ah, I'm so tired, and so discouraged. I had a headache after work today from learning so many new things. and I'm tired from walking 20 minutes round trip (that makes about 40 minutes total) each day to and from the train station. 10 minutes to the station, then 10 minutes to the office. my legs are aching. and I still have that pain in my neck - it's just now spread to the rest of my body. the only good thing about all this walking? I'm staying fit and not getting fat! LOL!!

ok - so that's why I'm tired. I'm discouraged because I can think of nothing other than taxes right now. I have a big issue with my 2004 taxes, and have to meet with a tax attorney (maybe H&R Block or something else) to resolve that and re-file - otherwise I might have to pay a large sum of money for a mistake I made! And then I also have to file my 2005 taxes - I have an automatic two month extension since I was in Japan at the time the taxes were due, but I still have to file a request for an additional extension by June 15th. But I don't know how to file for last year because I hardly made any money at all - and I was out of the country for 9 months. I called the IRS customer service number tonight and was transferred to some guy who was supposed to answer my questions about overseas income -I filed overseas income twice when I was working there full time, but this time I hardly made any money so I have tons of questions. I was on the phone with this idiot for about 10 minutes, but he hadn't answered any of my questions - in fact he was just making me more confused, and I could hardly hear him and then all of a sudden my line was disconnected! I couldn't believe it. I don't think he would have hung up on me - and I certainly didn't hang up on him. But after spending all that time, I was pissed off and I didn't call back. I was just too tired. so that means I have to call again tomorrow night. God I hate the IRS!

So I cried when I got off the phone. I'm just too tired and stressed and I wish I could just relax and have nothing to think about. I mean I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to be working and living in an interesting city. But I've just had too many things to do here in the last two weeks, and I still have so much to do, and to take care of. And I'm lonely... and I've been too tired and stressed to even do any writing or posting of photos - so I feel like I'm already forgetting about Japan. that's terrible.

I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision to come here and leave that carefree existence in Japan. I mean, I didn't have to work, I didn't have to worry about shopping and cooking and cleaning so much, my cat was happy, and I was doing some fun things. So why was I not happy? I don't really know. Though I guess I do know the answer to that question: I was not happy because I was not fulfilled, and I was not independent. I have to keep reminding myself that doing nothing, even though it is nice and relaxing, is not fun. And being independent, though stressful sometimes, is the best way to live.

I just hope I can have some fun here soon - talking to tax people every day, and sleeping alone, is not fun at all! All I do to alleviate my stress these days is watch tv shows that I've downloaded, movies from Netflix, and sleep... if Leo doesn't keep me awake.

Oh, and finally, I miss my cousin Linda. I haven't heard from her in so long, and I'm having withdrawals from not getting her emails. If you read this Linda, please send me an email or a comment, or call me sometime...

sorry for all of my griping, but I do need to vent... so with all of that said, now I am going to watch my movie, "The Girl with the Pearl Earring" and get a nice dosage of good looking English and Irish men...