just some griping

[laurainlimbo]

ah, I'm so tired, and so discouraged. I had a headache after work today from learning so many new things. and I'm tired from walking 20 minutes round trip (that makes about 40 minutes total) each day to and from the train station. 10 minutes to the station, then 10 minutes to the office. my legs are aching. and I still have that pain in my neck - it's just now spread to the rest of my body. the only good thing about all this walking? I'm staying fit and not getting fat! LOL!!

ok - so that's why I'm tired. I'm discouraged because I can think of nothing other than taxes right now. I have a big issue with my 2004 taxes, and have to meet with a tax attorney (maybe H&R Block or something else) to resolve that and re-file - otherwise I might have to pay a large sum of money for a mistake I made! And then I also have to file my 2005 taxes - I have an automatic two month extension since I was in Japan at the time the taxes were due, but I still have to file a request for an additional extension by June 15th. But I don't know how to file for last year because I hardly made any money at all - and I was out of the country for 9 months. I called the IRS customer service number tonight and was transferred to some guy who was supposed to answer my questions about overseas income -I filed overseas income twice when I was working there full time, but this time I hardly made any money so I have tons of questions. I was on the phone with this idiot for about 10 minutes, but he hadn't answered any of my questions - in fact he was just making me more confused, and I could hardly hear him and then all of a sudden my line was disconnected! I couldn't believe it. I don't think he would have hung up on me - and I certainly didn't hang up on him. But after spending all that time, I was pissed off and I didn't call back. I was just too tired. so that means I have to call again tomorrow night. God I hate the IRS!

So I cried when I got off the phone. I'm just too tired and stressed and I wish I could just relax and have nothing to think about. I mean I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to be working and living in an interesting city. But I've just had too many things to do here in the last two weeks, and I still have so much to do, and to take care of. And I'm lonely... and I've been too tired and stressed to even do any writing or posting of photos - so I feel like I'm already forgetting about Japan. that's terrible.

I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision to come here and leave that carefree existence in Japan. I mean, I didn't have to work, I didn't have to worry about shopping and cooking and cleaning so much, my cat was happy, and I was doing some fun things. So why was I not happy? I don't really know. Though I guess I do know the answer to that question: I was not happy because I was not fulfilled, and I was not independent. I have to keep reminding myself that doing nothing, even though it is nice and relaxing, is not fun. And being independent, though stressful sometimes, is the best way to live.

I just hope I can have some fun here soon - talking to tax people every day, and sleeping alone, is not fun at all! All I do to alleviate my stress these days is watch tv shows that I've downloaded, movies from Netflix, and sleep... if Leo doesn't keep me awake.

Oh, and finally, I miss my cousin Linda. I haven't heard from her in so long, and I'm having withdrawals from not getting her emails. If you read this Linda, please send me an email or a comment, or call me sometime...

sorry for all of my griping, but I do need to vent... so with all of that said, now I am going to watch my movie, "The Girl with the Pearl Earring" and get a nice dosage of good looking English and Irish men...

Comments

[phantomsgyrl.livejournal.com]

*BIG HUG* Don't be sorry about griping. That one of the uses of this thing called LJ. I hope the pains you are having go away soon. See if you can get into the massage therapist asap. My brother just recently went through some tax problems also so I wish you the best of luck with that. If there is anything I can do to help you remember Japan let me know. I have some pics from when I was in Tokyo last year and can post them any time. Konbanwa

Michelle

[flyingichthyo.livejournal.com]

::hugz and kisses::

[xitsmejessica.livejournal.com]

your rabbit icon totally sums up how you're feeling!

bless your heart.

i personally think that you just need time to adjust. did you feel "odd" when you went to japan? it's just shock. i hope it wears off. =\

i didn't like 'girl with the pearl earring.' scarlet johansson pissed me off to NO end in that film. walking around with no eyebrows and her lips all parted confused-like, trying to be all innocent and sexy looking.

but...colin firth...


i'd totally hit that. ;]


WOOO!

jan vermeer. rrrrrooooooooooowwwwwwww! mama liiiiiiiiiike.

picasso, however, was much hotter. =P


take care. i'll continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. <33333333333333333333

[pnksaph.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry things are getting you so down. You've been dealing with a lot the past few weeks, with no real break.

I hope you get some quality "you" time soon, when you can relax both physically and mentally.

::hugs::

[bayareajenn.livejournal.com]

Oof. The IRS sucks. You might be able to find some info on their Web site: http://www.irs.gov/individuals/index.html.

As for losing the connection with the tax guy, it's probably for the best. Next time you call, I hope you get someone who knows how to answer your questions and who knows how to talk into the receiver. :) When I used to work for a telephone answering service, sometimes some of the other operators would flip the headset receiver up or back and forget that they did that before answering another call. The folks on the line could hear them, but they'd usually say something like, "I can hardly hear you!" and then the operator would sheepishly pull his mic back around and say "Is this better?" D'oh!

About feeling torn about your decision to move back to the states: I'm very much in the same boat as you regarding my life choices right now. On the one hand, for several years now I've wanted to have a fulfilling job and do something worthwhile with my life. Now I have the chance, by getting into the Moorpark EATM program. But now that I've decided to do it, well, late at night when I'm up all by myself and thinking too much (as I am wont to do), I get really scared. I want to just stay in the comfort zone that I know of being at home, only doing the housework and not much else, no risks, no rewards. It's safer. I have a feeling you feel that way about Japan. It was a safe place to be, but it wasn't filling your soul. You were just spinning your wheels for the most part, am I right? So, you and I are both doing the brave thing, the scary thing, and becoming active participants in our own lives. Take pride in that. If you will, then perhaps I can find some comfort in that, as well.

I wouldn't worry about forgetting Japan. For one thing, it's not like you'll never go there again. Your husband has family there. For another, it's in your soul now, it's a part of you. You may miss it, but you won't forget it. Little things will creep in every now and then. Things will happen or people will say things that remind you of it. You'll most likely just take away the best of Japan. But right now you're highly distracted with setting up your life here in the states again. When things calm down, you'll feel better.

All right, so either everything I've said so far is stuff you know already, or I'm totally misreading everything and it's all b.s. :) I'm just trying to lend a supportive virtual shoulder. Hopefully I did okay.

Now for some lighter stuff. I saw "The Girl with the Pearl Earring." I liked it a lot, but apparently there was some big hubbub about it in the art world, and the artistic types hate the movie because it totally misrepresents the facts of that artist's life. I thought it was pretty funny that they got all worked up over an artist's (the director's) interpretation of another artist's life.

The Long-Lost Cousin

[(Anonymous)]

Check your email! I still exist and I've missed you, too. More later, and I do have your phone number, too.

*Love and Hugs*

L

[dawnie1970.livejournal.com]

Aw, sweetie, *huggsles you tight*. It's going to take time to adjust, give yourself some time.

*sporks the IRS for you* Wankers!