laurainlimbo | just some griping

Current Mood: distressed

just some griping

ah, I'm so tired, and so discouraged. I had a headache after work today from learning so many new things. and I'm tired from walking 20 minutes round trip (that makes about 40 minutes total) each day to and from the train station. 10 minutes to the station, then 10 minutes to the office. my legs are aching. and I still have that pain in my neck - it's just now spread to the rest of my body. the only good thing about all this walking? I'm staying fit and not getting fat! LOL!!

ok - so that's why I'm tired. I'm discouraged because I can think of nothing other than taxes right now. I have a big issue with my 2004 taxes, and have to meet with a tax attorney (maybe H&R Block or something else) to resolve that and re-file - otherwise I might have to pay a large sum of money for a mistake I made! And then I also have to file my 2005 taxes - I have an automatic two month extension since I was in Japan at the time the taxes were due, but I still have to file a request for an additional extension by June 15th. But I don't know how to file for last year because I hardly made any money at all - and I was out of the country for 9 months. I called the IRS customer service number tonight and was transferred to some guy who was supposed to answer my questions about overseas income -I filed overseas income twice when I was working there full time, but this time I hardly made any money so I have tons of questions. I was on the phone with this idiot for about 10 minutes, but he hadn't answered any of my questions - in fact he was just making me more confused, and I could hardly hear him and then all of a sudden my line was disconnected! I couldn't believe it. I don't think he would have hung up on me - and I certainly didn't hang up on him. But after spending all that time, I was pissed off and I didn't call back. I was just too tired. so that means I have to call again tomorrow night. God I hate the IRS!

So I cried when I got off the phone. I'm just too tired and stressed and I wish I could just relax and have nothing to think about. I mean I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to be working and living in an interesting city. But I've just had too many things to do here in the last two weeks, and I still have so much to do, and to take care of. And I'm lonely... and I've been too tired and stressed to even do any writing or posting of photos - so I feel like I'm already forgetting about Japan. that's terrible.

I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision to come here and leave that carefree existence in Japan. I mean, I didn't have to work, I didn't have to worry about shopping and cooking and cleaning so much, my cat was happy, and I was doing some fun things. So why was I not happy? I don't really know. Though I guess I do know the answer to that question: I was not happy because I was not fulfilled, and I was not independent. I have to keep reminding myself that doing nothing, even though it is nice and relaxing, is not fun. And being independent, though stressful sometimes, is the best way to live.

I just hope I can have some fun here soon - talking to tax people every day, and sleeping alone, is not fun at all! All I do to alleviate my stress these days is watch tv shows that I've downloaded, movies from Netflix, and sleep... if Leo doesn't keep me awake.

Oh, and finally, I miss my cousin Linda. I haven't heard from her in so long, and I'm having withdrawals from not getting her emails. If you read this Linda, please send me an email or a comment, or call me sometime...

sorry for all of my griping, but I do need to vent... so with all of that said, now I am going to watch my movie, "The Girl with the Pearl Earring" and get a nice dosage of good looking English and Irish men...

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*BIG HUG* Don't be sorry about griping. That one of the uses of this thing called LJ. I hope the pains you are having go away soon. See if you can get into the massage therapist asap. My brother just recently went through some tax problems also so I wish you the best of luck with that. If there is anything I can do to help you remember Japan let me know. I have some pics from when I was in Tokyo last year and can post them any time. Konbanwa

Michelle

thanks a lot Michelle! I guess that's true about LJ being a great place to gripe. I'm so thankful to have the great friends that i have here, so that I can get support. I'd love to go to a massage therapist, but right now I need to be careful about spending money. Maybe later, if I'm still feeling pains, once I get a few paychecks.

ah the tax problems... I just have to grin and bear it and get it all over with. It's just part of life, I guess.

I'm sure I won't forget Japan - I just feel kind of like I'm already getting so caught up in my life here that my time in Japan was like a dream. I do have my photos, and my friends there to contact. And once my husband arrives, I'll be speaking and hearing Japanese again, so that's good!

thanks again and have a great day!!

*big hug back*

I forgot to say - I'd love to see your photos of Japan! If you post them, that would be really fun for me... I still need to upload some photos that I took before I left. I've just been so busy.

oyasuminasai! (or good night - literally have a good rest)

::hugz and kisses::

*hugs and kisses back*

your rabbit icon totally sums up how you're feeling!

bless your heart.

i personally think that you just need time to adjust. did you feel "odd" when you went to japan? it's just shock. i hope it wears off. =\

i didn't like 'girl with the pearl earring.' scarlet johansson pissed me off to NO end in that film. walking around with no eyebrows and her lips all parted confused-like, trying to be all innocent and sexy looking.

but...colin firth...

i'd totally hit that. ;]

WOOO!

jan vermeer. rrrrrooooooooooowwwwwwww! mama liiiiiiiiiike.

picasso, however, was much hotter. =P

take care. i'll continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. <33333333333333333333

thanks for your kind comments! I am a little better today - getting closer to the weekend and to my husband coming here.

as far as feeling "odd" when I went to Japan, I can't remember so much. Of course things were different, but it was so much slower and easier since I had my husband to help with things and I didn't have to take care of so many things. I know I'll be feeling more comfortable soon - and hopefully Leo will too:)

Ah - the Girl with the Pearl Earring - I remember you saying you didn't like it, but I had such high expectations since it has Colin Firth, Cillian Murphy and Scarlett (who I really like most of the time). But to be honest, I was disappointed by it. I thought it was slow, and it ended kind of abruptly - I was like "that's it?" and totally expecting more. Oh well. but Colin Firth was kind of hot in that movie - and Cillian was cute! no one really talked much, though. I didn't give it a second viewing (as I do with movies I really like)...

was Picasso hot? I don't know much about his life.

thanks again for your comments. You made me laugh, which was great!!

Yeah, Picasso was hot... hold on, let me show you...

...in my opinion, anyway. LoL. I know tons about Picasso. Just ask! =P We were discussing him tonight in art class, Cubism and stuff like that, and the stupid pooface teacher kept messing up...and I kept correcting him. POOFACE. Finally, I told him "Uhhh...it's in the book." and he said, "Is that where you're getting this from?" and I said "No...actually, I know all of this already...but uh...we ARE on chapter 19..." and he got his book out of his stupid brown leather briefcase and opened it up.

POOFACE!

You're very right...the movie was really quiet. When it was over, I was like, "...and? ...AND?" I had high expectations as well. I would've liked to have seen the relationship with Vermeer and Griet develop more. Colin Firth radiates with sensuality to me, especially in this movie, and also in "Pride and Prejudice." *fans self* I refuse to watch the recent version, because I am so enamored with the Colin Firth version. We studied it senior year, and all of us girls [[even Mrs Styers, the teacher]] were just swooning over him. LMAO. "Ohhh, Mr Darcy...!"

Scarlett's best role is in "Ghost World." It's just a natural role and she doesn't try so hard, like in "Girl with the pearl earring." It also has a fave of mine, Thora Birch. I've mentioned her before, I think...I used to want to be her character. LMAO. The red patent leather Doc Martens are homage to Birch's character in "Ghost World." AWESOME MOVIE.

How's Leo? I hope things will improve...I really think they will. Just take deep breaths! =P Did you check out those links I gave you?

thanks so much for all of those links:) Leo thanks you too! sorry I didn't reply to your earlier message - I have meant to! I haven't had time to look at all of the links yet, but I will this weekend. I've been so busy this week. Leo is still crying, but he seems to be getting a bit better. Only a few more days until Masahiko is here, so Leo's mood should improve. I hope:)

those are some cool pics of Picasso. I've never seen pictures of him when he was young - he was handsome!

Colin Firth is really beautiful - and I absolutely adored his version of "Pride and Prejudice" - that is the only version as far as I'm concerned. gorgeous Mr.Darcy - and I loved the girl who played Elizabeth. she was beautiful and so classy. not like that mousy Keira Knightly.

Have you seen Lost in Translation? that is my favorite of Scarlett's roles - she is perfect in it! She's pretty good in Match Point too - and the Island (which has hot Ewan McGregor!)...

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry things are getting you so down. You've been dealing with a lot the past few weeks, with no real break.

I hope you get some quality "you" time soon, when you can relax both physically and mentally.

::hugs::

thanks so much for your comments:) I'm feeling a bit better today, but I'm still stessed about taxes. It's just one of those things...

this weekend I won't be too busy, since I am without a car, and my hubby won't be here until Monday. I hope to just watch movies and relax - except that I do need to clean a little and do some shopping. I do need to relax and get caught up on sleep!

*hugs you back*

Oof. The IRS sucks. You might be able to find some info on their Web site: http://www.irs.gov/individuals/index.html.

As for losing the connection with the tax guy, it's probably for the best. Next time you call, I hope you get someone who knows how to answer your questions and who knows how to talk into the receiver. :) When I used to work for a telephone answering service, sometimes some of the other operators would flip the headset receiver up or back and forget that they did that before answering another call. The folks on the line could hear them, but they'd usually say something like, "I can hardly hear you!" and then the operator would sheepishly pull his mic back around and say "Is this better?" D'oh!

About feeling torn about your decision to move back to the states: I'm very much in the same boat as you regarding my life choices right now. On the one hand, for several years now I've wanted to have a fulfilling job and do something worthwhile with my life. Now I have the chance, by getting into the Moorpark EATM program. But now that I've decided to do it, well, late at night when I'm up all by myself and thinking too much (as I am wont to do), I get really scared. I want to just stay in the comfort zone that I know of being at home, only doing the housework and not much else, no risks, no rewards. It's safer. I have a feeling you feel that way about Japan. It was a safe place to be, but it wasn't filling your soul. You were just spinning your wheels for the most part, am I right? So, you and I are both doing the brave thing, the scary thing, and becoming active participants in our own lives. Take pride in that. If you will, then perhaps I can find some comfort in that, as well.

I wouldn't worry about forgetting Japan. For one thing, it's not like you'll never go there again. Your husband has family there. For another, it's in your soul now, it's a part of you. You may miss it, but you won't forget it. Little things will creep in every now and then. Things will happen or people will say things that remind you of it. You'll most likely just take away the best of Japan. But right now you're highly distracted with setting up your life here in the states again. When things calm down, you'll feel better.

All right, so either everything I've said so far is stuff you know already, or I'm totally misreading everything and it's all b.s. :) I'm just trying to lend a supportive virtual shoulder. Hopefully I did okay.

Now for some lighter stuff. I saw "The Girl with the Pearl Earring." I liked it a lot, but apparently there was some big hubbub about it in the art world, and the artistic types hate the movie because it totally misrepresents the facts of that artist's life. I thought it was pretty funny that they got all worked up over an artist's (the director's) interpretation of another artist's life.

thank you so much for your great comments and advice. I totally appreciate the supportive shoulder whether it's "virtual" or not:) It really helped me to put things into perspective. I'm glad to know that someone understands my frustration about the easy, comfortable life vs. the more scary life in which we take control and become, as you said "active participants" in our own lives. What you said is exactly right, and it summed up the way that I'm feeling. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts - it makes me feel a lot better.

I know you're right about Japan too - I won't ever forget my experiences there. I had some great times there, and I do have Japan in my heart and soul. I'm definitely going back there someday - either just to visit or to live.

about "Girl with the Pearl Earring" - I watched it last night and I kind of liked it, but I was kind of disappointed. I thought that it was slow, and the ending was very abrupt and weird. I expected more. But I did like the actors.

thanks again for your great support and advice. It means a lot!!

have a great day!! and good luck with all you have to do for your own big change. I'll try to be supportive for you too, if you need it... just let me know!

Check your email! I still exist and I've missed you, too. More later, and I do have your phone number, too.

*Love and Hugs*

L

Aw, sweetie, *huggsles you tight*. It's going to take time to adjust, give yourself some time.

*sporks the IRS for you* Wankers!

thanks for the huggles! *Huggles you back*

I know I need to just let things happen - I'm just always worrying... it's my nature.

and here's the rub: I have to pay someone to do my taxes for me, so I'm paying to avoid paying. crazy, huh? Oh well, as they say "death and taxes" - the only things that we can't avoid.

*hugs*

It's probably easier to avoid death then taxes. Pfft. I hope it all works out fine. *hugs back*

thanks - I'm still working on it and I think it will be a long long process...

*hugs*

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just some griping

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