it's not life that matters but the journey...

I wish I could explain it without making my husband seem like a bad person. he is really a good person, and I love him. But the thing about him is that he is childish and has somewhat of a Peter Pan complex. He doesn't want the grown up responsibilities that come with adulthood. My sister said he's narcissistic, which is somewhat true but not in the vain sense (she has experience with someone like my husband - a past boyfriend - and she went to therapists and learned a lot). Masahiko really has a hard time thinking of anyone but himself - that is, he can't imagine living his life for someone else (like a wife, or child), and making the sacrifices necessary to be a parent. He can't see it as a fun and enriching experience (sharing your life or living your life for someone else). I asked him again last night why he is so opposed to having a child, and he said he doesn't want to spend his life stuck at some company making money. He knows that day care costs money, and other things, and he selfishly wants to spend his time and money on himself. AT the same time, he acts like I should take care of him and he thinks we'll always be together, even though he can't give me this one thing that I really want. honestly it's such a hard situation because I know Masahiko loves me, and he seems to think we'll never break up (even though he often is angry with me and with his life). But should I sacrifice my happiness to stay with him? And if I leave him, will I be able to meet someone else and have a family, given that I'm almost 40 years old? and I hate the idea of saying goodbye to Masahiko for good because we are so close and have a history. But he is just so unhappy and I can't live with an unhappy person.

I just don't know and it keeps me awake at night and makes me suffer so much.

sorry for such a long answer, but i was gonna post something about this (in a filtered post) anyway, so I thought I'd share it with you.
*hugs tight*